what does it mean when you keep injuring your hands?
All week I have been injuring my hands. Every knuckle on my right hand is either torn, scraped, or burned. And then last night I got a paper cut on that painful flesh ledge between thumb and index finger. I feel it must mean something, beyond clumsiness. Here are some theories:
1. There is too much aggression in my doing/holding/making.
2. There is not enough aggression in my doing/holding/making, and these small violences are telling me to do/hold/make harder.
3. There is something I'm trying to grasp or hold on to, and it is hurting me.
4. There is something I'm trying to grasp or hold on to, and I am hurting it.
5. My right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing.
6. My right hand has become arrogant. My making has become arrogant.
7. I am not being careful enough, not paying enough attention.
8. I am paying too much attention, and still getting hurt.
*
My mother taught me that not being able to forgive yourself and move on is a form of conceit: too much pride, masquerading as humility.
*
It's funny how much we enjoy pain! And sort of squish our toes in the ooze of it. And then, crestfallen, my toes are all dirty.
*
Some nice things of late, of note:
+ The poems of this person.
+ This person nudging this person and this thing winding up here.
+ Putting grapes in your cereal instead of predictable bananas or berries.
+ Beatrice saying that B stands for Beatrice. When asked what else B stands for, she says Mommy and Daddy. She's not wrong.
+ It's not that I'm not political, it's just that I'm still trying to figure out how to be a human being, what my mouth is for.
+ And also I'm not political.
+ The love of a good man.
1. There is too much aggression in my doing/holding/making.
2. There is not enough aggression in my doing/holding/making, and these small violences are telling me to do/hold/make harder.
3. There is something I'm trying to grasp or hold on to, and it is hurting me.
4. There is something I'm trying to grasp or hold on to, and I am hurting it.
5. My right hand doesn't know what my left hand is doing.
6. My right hand has become arrogant. My making has become arrogant.
7. I am not being careful enough, not paying enough attention.
8. I am paying too much attention, and still getting hurt.
*
My mother taught me that not being able to forgive yourself and move on is a form of conceit: too much pride, masquerading as humility.
*
It's funny how much we enjoy pain! And sort of squish our toes in the ooze of it. And then, crestfallen, my toes are all dirty.
*
Some nice things of late, of note:
+ The poems of this person.
+ This person nudging this person and this thing winding up here.
+ Putting grapes in your cereal instead of predictable bananas or berries.
+ Beatrice saying that B stands for Beatrice. When asked what else B stands for, she says Mommy and Daddy. She's not wrong.
+ It's not that I'm not political, it's just that I'm still trying to figure out how to be a human being, what my mouth is for.
+ And also I'm not political.
+ The love of a good man.
11:48 AM
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